March 2015

I remember after I first read this book, I couldn’t stop thinking about it for a long time. It was in my mind for months and it slowly became part of me. It was so fascinating to learn about people and different ways to connect and add value to them. This book is a must read, and I recommend it to all the leaders, managers, parents, teachers, and to anyone who works and interacts with people on a daily basis: “25 Ways to Win With People.” By Dr. John C. Maxwell. This book gave me some simple ideas with big impact that I would like to share with you today. Here are some of the notes I was able to gather on the book this weekend. I hope you enjoy reviewing them.

Start with Yourself.

“Your relationships can only be as healthy as you are.” – Neil Clark Warren

Make yourself more valuable. “Increase your value to others by solving as many of your problems as you can.”

Identify areas you need to improve in order to be more valuable to others and develop a plan to accomplish them.

Practice the 30-Second Rule.

“He who waits to do a great deal of good at once, will never do anything.” – Samuel Johnson.

Give Others the Triple-A Treatment; Attention, Affirmation and Appreciation.

Within the first 30 seconds of a conversation, say something encouraging to a person.
To be successful at this, you have to plan to do it.

Let People Know You Need Them.

“The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when someone asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer.” – Henry David Thoreau

People need to be needed. They need to know they helped at a meaningful level.

“I have a dream and I need your help.”

Give up or get help…When your dream is bigger than you are, you only have two choices: give up or get help.
Inspire others to join in the dream by letting them know they are needed.

Create a Good Memory and Visit it Often.

“Memory is the treasury and guardian of all things.” – Cicero

Few things bond people together like a shared memory. Soldiers who battle together, teammates who win a championship together, and work teams that hit their goals share a connection that never goes away.

Revisit existing positive memories with people.
Plan experiences to commemorate milestones and create mementos.

Compliment People in Front of Other People.

“Admonish thy friends in secret, praise them openly.” – Publilius Syrus

“Encouragement is oxygen to the soul” ~George Matthew Adams

When you compliment someone’s attitudes you can reinforce that attitude and make it more consistent.

Find/create opportunities to do so.
“Who can I spotlight in front of others?”

Give Others a Reputation to Uphold.

“Treat a man as he appears to be and you make him worse. But treat a man as if he already were what he potentially could be, and you make him what he should be.” – Goethe

Old negative names, labels, or nicknames can block a person’s growth and progress. Give people a new name that can give them hope, and speaks to their future.

Start by asking “What is special/unique about this person?”

Say the Right Words at the Right Time.

“No man has a prosperity so high or firm, but that two or three words can dishearten it; and there is no calamity which right words will not begin to redress.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Forget about what you want to say and ask yourself what you would like to hear if you were in the other person’s shoes.

“… the wrong words said at the wrong time .. discourage me ..
… the wrong words said at the right time .. frustrate me ..
… the right words said at the wrong time .. confuse me ..
… the right words said at the right time .. encourage me.”

Proverbs 25:11 (NCV) …“The right word spoken at the right time is as beautiful as gold apples in a silver bowl.”

Encourage the Dreams of Others.

“Keep away from people who belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.” – Mark Twain

Ask others to share their dreams with you.

Affirm the person as well as the dream.

Ask about the challenges they must overcome to reach their dreams. (RWG: This helps them solidify the steps they need to take to get there. Most people aren’t good at this.)

Offer your assistance.

Regularly revisit their dream with them.

Return to Step 1.

“Death’s not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside of us while we live” ~ Norman Cousins

Pass the Credit on to Others.

“If each of us were to confess his most secret desire, the one that inspires all of his plans, all his actions, he would say: ‘I want to be praised.’ ” – E.M. Cioran

Check your ego at the door…Pass the credit ASAP!

John Wooden, a UCLA coach, taught his players when they scored a point to smile, wink, or nod at the player who gave them the pass.
Verbal praise in front of others is powerful, but written praise lasts.
Passing on credit changes the recipient’s brain chemistry and creates “an emotional stamp that forever associates you in their minds with their success.”
Ask yourself, “Who has made me more successful than I would have been on my own?”

Offer Your Very Best.

“I do the very best I know how – the very best I can; and I mean to keep on doing so until the end.” – Abraham Lincoln

Make the most of your gifts and opportunities.

Everybody appreciates a person who gives his BEST!

Share a Secret with Someone.

“Conceal not your secret from a friend, or you deserve to lose him.” – Portuguese Proverb

Sharing a secret makes people feel special and includes them in your journey.

Mine the Gold of Good Intentions.

“To err is human; to forgive is not company policy.” – Unknown

People generally give you what you expect from them. Assume the best in the others…and see things from their perspective.

Forget about justice; instead, focus on grace and forgiveness.

Keep Your Eyes off the Mirror.

“I don’t know what your destiny will be, but one thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve.” – Albert Schweitzer

Serving others from a place of emotional health is a source of contentment.

” If you want happiness for an hour—take a nap. If you want happiness for a day—go fishing. If you want happiness for a month—get married. If you want happiness for a year—inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime—help others. ” – Chinese Proverb

Do for Others What They Can’t Do for Themselves.

“You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.” – John Bunyan

No matter how much or how little you think you have, you have the ability to do for others what they can’t do for themselves.

Introduce others to people they can’t know on their own.
Take others to places they can’t go on their own.

Offer others opportunities they can’t reach on their own.
Share ideas with others they don’t possess on their own.

Listen with Your Heart.

“The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said.” – Peter Drucker

Unclog your ears and focus on the person. Listen aggressively…

Listen actively, create the win win situation.

Find the Keys to Their Hearts.

“Coaches who can outline plays on a blackboard are a dime a dozen. The ones who succeed are those who get inside their players and motivate them.” – Vince Lombardi

Accept the fact that people are different.

Ask questions

What do they dream about, cry about, find joy in, value, and believe to be their strengths?
Establish common ground.
“Turn the key only when you can add value to that person.”

Be the First to Help.

“After the verb ‘to love,’ ‘to help’ is the most beautiful verb in the world.” – Berth Von Suttner

Zig Ziglar said it very well:

“You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people get

what they want.”

A good question to ask is “How can I best serve this person?”

Add Value to Others and Yourself.

“Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.” – Albert Einstein

Make yourself more valuable.

Value people.

Have a growth plan for yourself and others.

Remember a Person’s Story.

“Many a man would rather you heard his story than granted his request.” – Phillip Stanhope, Earl of Chesterfield

The time taken in asking for and listening to someone’s story:

Will be entirely focused on them: their dreams, disappointments, interests, etc..
Will be enjoyed by that person.
Will give you insight into that person.
Will build a stronger relationship with that person.

If asking these types of questions is awkward for you, start practicing on people you’re not likely to see again, like cab drivers, waitresses, people in line.

Don’t interrupt: replace “That reminds me of…” with “Go on” or “I see”

Repeat back what you heard, “Let me see if I understand…”

Bring up some aspect of the person’s story the next time you see him.

Tell a Good Story.

“The universe is made of stories, not atoms.” – Muriel Rukeyser

“People may not remember your name but they will always remember your story” ~Farshad Asl

Tell us a story rather than just relaying the facts.

The goal is connecting and sharing yourself, not just making yourself look good.

Give with No Strings Attached.

“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is: What are you doing for others?” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

I would not be where I am if others had not given freely to me; others need me to do the same for them.

See the big picture and have an abundance mentality.

Learn Your Mailman’s Name.

“Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” – Dale Carnegie

S – Say the name 3 times in a conversation.

A – Ask a question about the name (eg. spelling), or person.

V – Visualize the person’s prominent physical or personality feature.

E – End the conversation with the name.

A person’s mood and self evaluation improve when another man remembers him personally.

“Good men must die, but death cannot kill their names..” ~Proverb

Point Out People’s Strengths.

“The praises of others may be of use in teaching us, not what we are, but what we ought to be.” – August W. Hare

People add the most value in their strength zones.

People are more highly motivated when working in an area of strength.

Write Notes of Encouragement.

“The power of words is immense. A well-chosen word has often sufficed to stop a flying army, to change defeat into victory, and to save an empire.” – Emile De Girardin

Notes are remembered long after the writer has forgotten them.

Take the time to handwrite personal notes on a regular basis.
A handwritten note is evidence of your investment in that person.
Written notes can have a long lasting effect; longer than an email.

Help People Win.

“The most important measure of how good a game I played, was how much better I’d make my teammates play.” -Bill Russell, winner of more NBA championships than any other player

Give people HOPE

When you help somebody win, you will be that person’s friend for life.
Focus on the process, not just on the win. Don’t just hand him the win, help him win so next time maybe he can win on his own.