I remember after I first read this book, I couldn’t stop thinking about it for a long time. It was in my mind for months and it slowly became part of me. It was so fascinating to learn about people and different ways to connect and add value to them. This book is a must read, and I recommend it to all the leaders, managers, parents, teachers, and to anyone who works and interacts with people on a daily basis: “25 Ways to Win With People.” By Dr. John C. Maxwell. This book gave me some simple ideas with big impact that I would like to share with you today. Here are some of the notes I was able to gather on the book this weekend. I hope you enjoy reviewing them.

1. Start with Yourself.

“Your relationships can only be as healthy as you are.” – Neil Clark Warren

Make yourself more valuable. “Increase your value to others by solving as many of your   problems as you can.”

• Identify areas you need to improve in order to be more valuable to others and develop a plan to accomplish them.

2. Practice the 30-Second Rule.

“He who waits to do a great deal of good at once, will never do anything.” – Samuel Johnson.

Give Others the Triple-A Treatment; Attention, Affirmation and Appreciation.

• Within the first 30 seconds of a conversation, say something encouraging to a person.
• To be successful at this, you have to plan to do it.

3. Let People Know You Need Them.

“The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when someone asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer.” – Henry David Thoreau

People need to be needed. They need to know they helped at a meaningful level.

“I have a dream and I need your help.”

• Give up or get help…When your dream is bigger than you are, you only have two choices: give up or get help.
• Inspire others to join in the dream by letting them know they are needed.

4. Create a Good Memory and Visit it Often.

“Memory is the treasury and guardian of all things.” – Cicero

Few things bond people together like a shared memory. Soldiers who battle together, teammates who win a championship together, and work teams that hit their goals share a connection that never goes away.

• Revisit existing positive memories with people.
• Plan experiences to commemorate milestones and create mementos.

5. Compliment People in Front of Other People.

“Admonish thy friends in secret, praise them openly.” – Publilius Syrus

“Encouragement is oxygen to the soul” ~George Matthew Adams

When you compliment someone’s attitudes you can reinforce that attitude and make it more consistent.

• Find/create opportunities to do so.
• “Who can I spotlight in front of others?”

6. Give Others a Reputation to Uphold.

“Treat a man as he appears to be and you make him worse. But treat a man as if he already were what he potentially could be, and you make him what he should be.” – Goethe

Old negative names, labels, or nicknames can block a person’s growth and progress. Give people a new name that can give them hope, and speaks to their future.

• Start by asking “What is special/unique about this person?”

7. Say the Right Words at the Right Time.

“No man has a prosperity so high or firm, but that two or three words can dishearten it; and there is no calamity which right words will not begin to redress.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Forget about what you want to say and ask yourself what you would like to hear if you were in the other person’s shoes.

• “… the wrong words said at the wrong time .. discourage me ..
• … the wrong words said at the right time .. frustrate me ..
• … the right words said at the wrong time .. confuse me ..
• … the right words said at the right time .. encourage me.”

Proverbs 25:11 (NCV) …“The right word spoken at the right time is as beautiful as gold apples in a silver bowl.”

8. Encourage the Dreams of Others.

“Keep away from people who belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.” – Mark Twain

Ask others to share their dreams with you.

Affirm the person as well as the dream.

Ask about the challenges they must overcome to reach their dreams. (RWG: This helps them solidify the steps they need to take to get there. Most people aren’t good at this.)

Offer your assistance.

Regularly revisit their dream with them.

Return to Step 1.

“Death’s not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside of us while we live” ~ Norman Cousins

9. Pass the Credit on to Others.

“If each of us were to confess his most secret desire, the one that inspires all of his plans, all his actions, he would say: ‘I want to be praised.’ ” – E.M. Cioran

Check your ego at the door…Pass the credit ASAP!

• John Wooden, a UCLA coach, taught his players when they scored a point to smile, wink, or nod at the player who gave them the pass.
• Verbal praise in front of others is powerful, but written praise lasts.
• Passing on credit changes the recipient’s brain chemistry and creates “an emotional stamp that forever associates you in their minds with their success.”
• Ask yourself, “Who has made me more successful than I would have been on my own?”

10. Offer Your Very Best.

“I do the very best I know how – the very best I can; and I mean to keep on doing so until the end.” – Abraham Lincoln

Make the most of your gifts and opportunities.

Everybody appreciates a person who gives his BEST!

11. Share a Secret with Someone.

“Conceal not your secret from a friend, or you deserve to lose him.” – Portuguese Proverb

Sharing a secret makes people feel special and includes them in your journey.

12. Mine the Gold of Good Intentions.

“To err is human; to forgive is not company policy.” – Unknown

People generally give you what you expect from them. Assume the best in the others…and see things from their perspective.

Forget about justice; instead, focus on grace and forgiveness.

13. Keep Your Eyes off the Mirror.

“I don’t know what your destiny will be, but one thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve.” – Albert Schweitzer

Serving others from a place of emotional health is a source of contentment.

” If you want happiness for an hour—take a nap. If you want happiness for a day—go fishing. If you want happiness for a month—get married. If you want happiness for a year—inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime—help others. ” – Chinese Proverb

14. Do for Others What They Can’t Do for Themselves.

“You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.”         – John Bunyan

No matter how much or how little you think you have, you have the ability to do for others what they can’t do for themselves.

• Introduce others to people they can’t know on their own.
• Take others to places they can’t go on their own.

• Offer others opportunities they can’t reach on their own.
• Share ideas with others they don’t possess on their own.

15. Listen with Your Heart.

“The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said.” – Peter Drucker

Unclog your ears and focus on the person. Listen aggressively…

Listen actively, create the win win situation.

16. Find the Keys to Their Hearts.

“Coaches who can outline plays on a blackboard are a dime a dozen. The ones who succeed are those who get inside their players and motivate them.” – Vince Lombardi

Accept the fact that people are different.

Ask questions

• What do they dream about, cry about, find joy in, value, and believe to be their strengths?
• Establish common ground.
• “Turn the key only when you can add value to that person.”

17. Be the First to Help.

“After the verb ‘to love,’ ‘to help’ is the most beautiful verb in the world.” – Berth Von Suttner

Zig Ziglar said it very well:

“You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people get

what they want.”

A good question to ask is “How can I best serve this person?”

18. Add Value to Others and Yourself.

“Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.” – Albert Einstein

Make yourself more valuable.

Value people.

Have a growth plan for yourself and others.

19. Remember a Person’s Story.

“Many a man would rather you heard his story than granted his request.” – Phillip Stanhope, Earl of Chesterfield

The time taken in asking for and listening to someone’s story:

• Will be entirely focused on them: their dreams, disappointments, interests, etc..
• Will be enjoyed by that person.
• Will give you insight into that person.
• Will build a stronger relationship with that person.

If asking these types of questions is awkward for you, start practicing on people you’re not likely to see again, like cab drivers, waitresses, people in line.

Don’t interrupt: replace “That reminds me of…” with “Go on” or “I see”

Repeat back what you heard, “Let me see if I understand…”

Bring up some aspect of the person’s story the next time you see him.

20. Tell a Good Story.

“The universe is made of stories, not atoms.” – Muriel Rukeyser

“People may not remember your name but they will always remember your story” ~Farshad Asl

Tell us a story rather than just relaying the facts.

The goal is connecting and sharing yourself, not just making yourself look good.

21. Give with No Strings Attached.

“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is: What are you doing for others?” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

I would not be where I am if others had not given freely to me; others need me to do the same for them.

See the big picture and have an abundance mentality.

22. Learn Your Mailman’s Name.

“Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” – Dale Carnegie

S – Say the name 3 times in a conversation.

A – Ask a question about the name (eg. spelling), or person.

V – Visualize the person’s prominent physical or personality feature.

E – End the conversation with the name.

A person’s mood and self evaluation improve when another man remembers him personally.

“Good men must die, but death cannot kill their names..” ~Proverb

23. Point Out People’s Strengths.

“The praises of others may be of use in teaching us, not what we are, but what we ought to be.” – August W. Hare

People add the most value in their strength zones.

People are more highly motivated when working in an area of strength.

24. Write Notes of Encouragement.

“The power of words is immense. A well-chosen word has often sufficed to stop a flying army, to change defeat into victory, and to save an empire.” – Emile De Girardin

Notes are remembered long after the writer has forgotten them.

• Take the time to handwrite personal notes on a regular basis.
• A handwritten note is evidence of your investment in that person.
• Written notes can have a long lasting effect; longer than an email.

25. Help People Win.

“The most important measure of how good a game I played, was how much better I’d make my teammates play.” -Bill Russell, winner of more NBA championships than any other player

Give people HOPE

• When you help somebody win, you will be that person’s friend for life.
• Focus on the process, not just on the win. Don’t just hand him the win, help him win so next time maybe he can win on his own.

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As far back as the twelfth century, we trace the use of this wonderful metaphoric expression:

“Standing on the shoulders of giants” which was a way to say, “Discovering truth by building on previous discoveries.”

Bernard of Chartres use to compare us to puny dwarfs perched on the shoulders of giants. He pointed out that we see more and farther than our predecessors, not because we have keener vision or greater height, but because we are lifted up and borne aloft on their gigantic stature.”

• Bernard of Chartres was a twelfth-century French Neo-Platonist philosopher, scholar, and administrator.

Sir Isaac Newton also wrote, “If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.”

• Born December 25, 1642 – an English physicist and mathematician who is widely recognized as one of the most influential scientists of all time and as a key figure in the scientific revolution.

Did you know that most successful leaders stand on the shoulders of giants?

It’s true. It applies more than ever in the current transformation of leadership. Leadership is handed down from one coach to another, building the continuation of leadership going back to the time of Christ.

When I was 19, I was coached by Mohammad Hasan Naser-eddin SAHEBZAMANI, researcher, writer, psychologist, teacher, speaker and linguist. He was considered to be one of the most brilliant philosophers in my native country who was not permitted by the government to write, speak or teach.

Despite the censorship, I was fortunate to attend some of his private, small group sessions, and in time, got to know him. He enriched my thinking and helped me understand the value of critical thinking, challenging the status quo, expanding the thought process, not accepting things at face value, learning to explore and delve deeper, and remain humble throughout life. I owe him my gratitude because he enabled me to understand my core values. Eventually I had to leave my country, but will always cherish the wisdom he shared and the path that has led to where I am today. His books are timeless and I still enjoy reading them despite the fact that they were written 35-40 years ago.

My quest for growth and coaching has taken me worldwide to include inspirational leaders such as Les Brown, Brian Tracy and Nick Vujicic. In the last few years it has brought me to know Dr. John C. Maxwell and his team. Dr. John C. Maxwell fuels my passion for transformational leadership and teaches that “you cannot just grow older, you got’ ta grow yourself. Stand on the shoulders of giants and learn from the best.”

“A leader is one who sees more than others see, who sees farther than others see and who sees before others see.”

– Leroy Eims

Now the question is who is coaching you? Do you believe in having a coach? Do you see a need? Do you have time to be coached? Can you afford not to have a coach or mentor?

In our rapid paced society, where there isn’t enough time for any one thing, too many distractions, oversaturation, with too many options, maybe it’s time to evaluate what is needed to reach your next goal.

See if any of these indicators apply to you.

1. If you feel overwhelmed and never seem to catch up
2. If you are not achieving your goals year after year
3. If your relationships are affected because of too much work
4. You feel you lack getting things accomplished – working harder and not smarter just to survive

If your answer is YES to any of these situations, get help. This isn’t a sales pitch, it’s identifying a common challenge that many people share, with a simple solution.

What is the solution?

1. Become a lifetime student. Stay open to learning.

“Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.” ~Chinese Proverb

2. Become part of a likeminded, positive group who can share in your ambition to succeed and get ahead. Be accountable to one another, challenge and share ideas.
3. Hire a coach and stay with it.
4. Take action and stop procrastinating.   Too much time is lost and only you can take ACTION to begin your success.
5. Be intentional with your time. It’s okay to say NO to the things that are not getting you closer to your mission in life and say YES to the things that do.

The excitement of learning separates youth from old age. As long as you’re learning you’re not old.

– Rosalyn S. Yalow

Let me share what I have learned, standing on the shoulders of giants:

1. They are lifelong learners
2. They give more than they get…they are like a river not reservoir
3. They form good habits and they stay laser focused
4. They put others first
5. They stay humble
6. They feed their soul, spirit and body and maintain a balanced life

Find a successful mentor, coach or a role model and start investing time on your own growth. You will be amazed with what you can accomplish in just the first year.

Please contact me if you need assistance.

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I was looking for someone to help me, but didn’t have ‘the one’ person I was looking for who could lead me in the right direction until I sat down and defined what it was I needed. I narrowed it down to three options. Did I need a Teacher? A Mentor? Or a Coach?

Others have defined coaching as, “Closing the gap between thinking about doing and doing” – Curly Martin

I have often wondered what the difference was between these three. Without looking up the definitions in the dictionary, I would say they are similar.

I had to admit that I wasn’t exactly sure what they meant but understood the importance of having one. So I got busy and developed these definitions.

Teachers instruct using a textbook or reference materials to provide lessons. This is a very important role when you’re learning a subject or profession.

 

Mentors share in their wisdom and experience. They are willing to spend their time and expertise to guide the development of another person.

 

Coaches guide and/or train someone who is trying to excel in a specific area, i.e., an athlete, an actor, a business professional, etc. I’ve found that this term is often mixed up with mentoring, so I used one of the best-known examples I could find as an example for a Coach.

 

Coach John Wooden, UCLA’s brilliant basketball coach, was famous for his style of coaching and building brilliant athletes. John Wooden is frequently cited as an example of a values- based coach, one who’s positive and productive principles were intrinsically woven into his system. What he did on the court reflected who he was off the court.

 

I wanted someone like that and also knew I needed someone who would Coach me for my needs. To Coach is all about asking the right questions. It’s amazing to know the power of “question probing”. Coaches know ‘what to ask’, ‘when to ask’, ‘how to ask’ and ‘who to ask’ great questions to take you from where you are now to where you want to be. ”A good Coach asks great questions to help you remove the obstacles in your mind and to get you back on track in life and business” – Farshad Asl

According to the Harvard Business Review, a good coach can help you achieve life-changing results that yield success and significance.

The right coaching builds awareness and removes interference so you can perform at your natural best with NO EXCUSES! The formula is:

Your God-given Potential – Excuses = Performance for Success!

It was Benjamin Franklin who said, “He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” Coaching will help you replace those excuses and limited beliefs with empowering dreams and boost self-confidence. Coaching is all about moving forward. Changing your old habits and developing true self-awareness.

“Helping you do your best” – Harry Paul

Coaching can help you to identify your values, discover your “why”, set ‘GOALS’, increase your self-esteem, and finding the balance in Life and Business.

Noting what Coaching is, I wanted to be sure I defined what coaching is NOT. Coaching is not Therapy, Mentoring, Consulting, Counselling or Problem Solving. That probably best falls under ‘self-help’.

 

When I Coach others, I normally like to use the TGROW model in my sessions.

• Topic – clarification and exploration of the topic
• Goal – setting specific goals, whether they are long, medium or short term, and can be used in the coaching session
• Reality – clearly understanding where the ‘Coachee’ is now in relation to their goals
• Options – exploring options for the purpose to move forward
• Wrap- Up, -Will, -Way Forward – identifying and agreeing to a specific action plan

 

I strongly believe in the concept of coaching so much that I’ve chosen to be personally coached over the last several years and personally use the TGROW model. You might be surprised to find that fewer than one in 1,000 people have been or benefit from being coached. Are you ready to begin?

“Unlocking a person’s potential to maximize their own performance” – John Whitmore

Breakthrough all the barriers and start leading your life rather than just accepting your life.

“People are anxious to improve their circumstances but are unwilling to improve themselves, they therefore remain bound.” James Allen

 

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